Pills and "Love"

They control my every move my every thought every feeling. They control how i treat people
Pills i need them to live in this world
I hate it i cant feel happy at all with out them getting 51/50 twice proved thats
But atleast people told me they love me from those trips. Thats a plus i guess
But i guess not really cause thats the only time i herd them say it and i think it will be the only time
Bla. . .

Ramble ramble ramble

I feel a mixed of things right now but cant seem to be able to get any of it out

Another problem im having his my boyfriend keeps telling me he loves me but i cant say it back. It makes me feel horrible but i guess if i dont say it then its not true and i cant get hurt again. Idk if i could take it. If i cant pay rent then i get kicked out ill have to live on the streets. Idk how i would see him since i will have no way of contacting him and to be honest i think i would be more busy trying to figure out where i would be laying my head at night then trying to contact him
Does this make me a bad girlfriend?
Would i still be his gf if i could never see him or talk to him?
Stuff i hate to think about but its always in the back of my head
If i cant come up with rent ill have no where to go
My mom says she cares but she also put me in this situation and my dad in riverside i also have never lived with him before it would be different . Hes a good man though hes paying for me to go to school so i would have to stay in the area to go to school.

Steves funeral is in a couple days im worried idk how well i would be able to handle it. I still dont want to believe hes gone. Now i wished i told him I love him before he left.